"Carlinisms"

My favorite comedian George Carlin passed away last week, he was full of wit, wisdom and a wry sense of the absurd. These are the qualities I look for in a comedian. I posted a few gems from his desk calender "An Orgy of George" a few weeks back and have decided to post a few more here in the next few weeks to show you the genius of this man.

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals
When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion?

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals
How about when a new, really dangerous guy comes along and they absolutely have to put him at the top of the list without delay? (Call it number one with a bullet," if you wish) Doesn't everyone else have to move down a notch? And doesn't one guy get dropped off? How do they decide which guy to drop? Is it automatically number ten? And how does he feel about that? Does he feel slighted? Does he feel maybe it should've been someone else? Has anyone who was demoted ever killed the new guy to gain his spot back?

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals
One last question: Does the FBI search harder for number three than they do for number seven? I would. Otherwise why have the numbers at all? These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me from making any real progress in life.

In The Future
All the knowledge in the world will be contained on a single, tiny silicon chip which someone will misplace.

Why do they call one sport "Women's Tennis," and then turn around and call the other one "Ladies' Golf"?

Usually when you go to someone's house they offer you coffee. They say, "You want some coffee?" I tell them, "No thanks, I have coffee at home. But I could use a little pancake mix." I try to get things I need.

What exactly is a wingding?